in memoriam: astrid 1937-2018
I am not sure if you knew that Astrid, my assistant for eleven years was, my mother.
She fell walking the dogs early on March 9, 2018. (She was up at 4 am and walking at 5 am always). Upon return she had a black eye, but she told me how many fingers I held up- she told me her name, our address, the date, and other facts. She refused to go to the doctor when I insisted. This was her life policy. She believed in eating broccoli and staying out of the doctor’s office even though I had insurance for her.
Later in the morning she began to speak nonsense and I called 911. A CT scan revealed extensive bleeding on the left side of the brain. She had emergency brain surgery and the next day the neurologist told Anouk, my then sixteen year-old, and I that if she lived, she would have to breath and eat through a tube, would have no sight, memory or speech and have paralysis on the right side.
Her brother, sister-in-law, my cousins, my children and I decided that Saturday that Astrid would hate such a life. On Monday March 12, 2018 we made the decision to withdraw life support. Mom breathed on her own for 25 hours, nine of which I was at her bedside. She died at 12:55 on March 13.
She left, and continues to leave, two major holes in my life. We walked dogs daily. We ate together nightly by candlelight and we were friends and housemates. She was also my assistant.
Mom’s position in my life is irreplaceable. .
I have remained working without interruption. My mom would have said, "Tristan, you must carry on." In fact I hear her say that to me each day - In love and respect.
Earl Spencer made a speech at Diana’s funeral which I have adjusted a little here, but it seems appropriate: "I would like to end by thanking God for the small mercies He has shown us at this dreadful time. For taking Astrid at her most beautiful and radiant and when she had joy in her private life. Above all we give thanks for the life of a woman I am so proud to be able to call my mother, the unique, the complex, the extraordinary and irreplaceable Astrid whose beauty, both internal and external, will never be extinguished from our minds." I love you.
